jae.

Surrendering to Your will.

I'm letting go.




This morning i woke up with a throbbing headache. So painful that i was crying in bed. I tried getting up but only to be forced down by the pulsating sensation. Fell asleep admiss it all.

Woke up at 7.58am, Jackson texted me, asking if i was in school. Told him i wasnt and asked if he was going later. He replied yes, after he checked. Rested in bed for a while more before his message came in saying he was posted to Nanyang Polytechnic and will be trying to appeal back to TPJC.

Went down to check, posted to Tampines Junior College (Science).

Saw Lewis online. Arranged to go with them to appeal.
Saw HuiQi and Esther online. Conference.
Joseph called. He started bitching about how he got posted to Mass Comm and passed the phone to Giddy for kicks. Crapped/Shrieked to him for about 20 minutes.
Looked at screen, Esther had typed out The Lord's Prayer to HuiQi for some reason i did not bother reading.

The line that just seems to stand out for some reason: His will be done.

Said my goodbyes and went offline. Started digging for relevant documents and surfing some school's websites.

Realised that i've misplaced my Results Slip. Well, either that or i threw it away (equal chances, really.)

What i gathered:
Report book
CCA cert
CIP cert
Prelim result slip
Testimonial
Form A
Bunch-of-stupid-NSW-certs

What i packed:
Report book
CCA cert
CIP cert
Prelim result slip
Testimonial
Form A
Present and card for Jackson
Notebook and 2 pens.

Bathed. Flagged a cab and met up with JinRong, Lewis and Jin's friend at MJC.


Got told that Form A was NOT accepted AFTER 3 hours in the school and that i'll need to make a trip down to buona vista to get a statement showing my results. Wilfred messaged. Asked to watch a movie. Shrieked at him about how his stupid school rejected me. Left mjc with Jin and Co for TPJC.

Arrived at TPJC. Saw S09 people at the foyer. Realised that OG groupings're out. Checked. OG 20. Not one person i know.

Desmond saw me. Ran up, asked if i was in the OG he was leading. Checked. Nope. Looked at OGL list. Saw bundles of familiar names. Saw OG 20's leader. Some total unknown female to both me and desmond.

Went to library to pass Jackson the gift. Saw Yazid on way up. He ignored me when i said hi. Too pissed i guess. Went off with Jin and Co. for lunch after handing over the stuff to Jackson.

Shared cab with Jin and Lewis home. Rested. Bathed again. Checked more stuff. Left home at 5 to go for track trials.

Flagged a cab again.

Uncle doesnt seem to know the directions. Called Aung. Pasir Ris Street 71. Uncle nods. QuanQi calls up to enquire about some stuff. Does not notice where Uncle is driving.

25 minutes later, Uncle mentions that no mjc here in street 11. Shrieks. 71. Not 11.

Arrives half an hour late. Trials seem to be over.

Called Aung. Sat and spoke to him. Bitched. Went home.




It was so surreal. On the train to bedok. I just had this voice at the back of my head whispering. Asking me to give up.

I debated with it for a while.


Maybe. Maybe it's just not meant to be. Twice. Twice.

Maybe. Maybe there's other plans for me here. At TPJC.

Maybe. Maybe i should just give up.


Strange as it seems, i felt like i'm standing at the edge of a cliff and still being made to walk on.

Even more surrealistically, this line popped into my head:

When God leads you to the edge of a cliff. Trust Him for either He'll catch you when you fall or He'll teach you how to fly.

I bit my tongue. Took a deep breath. Then told myself to let go.

Instead of blaming myself. I felt this gush of peace. I'm not saying to myself that, shuyun, you're letting yourself down; you're letting evan down; you're letting your parents down. Neither was i thinking of how bad the tutors are; how all my friends're leaving; how my og is filled with no one i know. I just felt calm.



I wont be appealing anymore.

He has plans. Be it whatever is in store for me.







I'm leaving myself in His hands.